There’s a new threat in town – and it’s only a few inches tall. Read “How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack” guide if you don’t believe me. It will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome.
The danger is real. And it’s here.
BUT THIS IS NOT THE WHOLE TRUTH!
After many years of detective work, we established the true identity of these evil gnomes and successfully created a Counterattack Plan.
These smiling lawn statues poised and ready to wreck havoc are in fact CHINESE. Yes, CHINESE. I know you knew it in your heart.
You’re welcome!
These mass produced, standardised, made on an assembly line little evil outdoor statuary hell-bent on world domination gnomes don’t have feelings and are “made in China” without any real LOVE or human touch.
Fear not. There is a way to fight back with these malicious garden dwellers. The only solution is to fill your property with our handmade and filled with LOVE (by Laura, a human being), miniature BRITISH GNOMES.
THIS is indeed the only proven system for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones.
P. S. : If you’re reading this message, chances are you’re in proximity to CHINESE garden gnomes (Seres Gnomus hortus) and have made the most important decision of your life: to educate yourself and take a stand against these suburban subversives. As these gnomes continue to populate the planet at an alarming rate, we are all at risk – some more than others. Some of us will have years to wait before we have to fight a CHINESE garden gnome to the death in single combat. Scarily, some of us have days at most before forces clash. Your first step should be to order our handmade gnomes ASAP so we can help you fight the good fight.We can win this War, TOGETHER! Laura
Order on Amazon HERE!
Handmade Miniature Home & Garden Gnomes UK 